You Know You’re in Christchurch When…

An article by Debi Hazelden    1 Comment

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I just received this by email and it gave me a giggle so thought I’d share it.

• Geonet/Christchurch Earthquake is your homepage
• People all over the country offer you a place to stay
• “Munted” and “buggered” are official technical terms
• You go ‘pfffff’ when Wellington has a 4.5 earthquake that’s 40km deep
• You see a nice park in another city and think it would make a good evacuation point
• You sleep in one suburb, shower in another, collect water from yet another and work elsewhere
• You drive on the right side of the road and no one thinks it’s wrong
• You are happy two Policemen came for a visit
• Your bike becomes your best friend
• You think it’s fine for a soldier to be stationed at the end of your street
• You see armoured vehicles driving down the road
• A portaloo is a status symbol
• It’s normal to greet people with “do you need a shower?”
• A bucket of shit is no longer that old car you drive
• Every house is a crack house
• Instead of rushing to the clothes line to get clothes in when it rains, you put dirty washing on the line in the hope that it will rain enough to clean them
• Going to Wellington to escape earthquakes makes sense
• Your doctor recommends having a few stiff drinks before bed to help you sleep
• You know how to start and refuel a generator
• You have tied the pantry, liquor cabinet and all the cupboard doors closed and it’s not to keep kids out
• You prefer to sit under the table instead of at it
• You think electronics that have “shock proof” labels should say to which earthquake magnitude
• You know and actually understand the terms and conditions of your House and Contents insurance policies
• You can see irony in claims about houses made of “permanent materials”
• Your en-suite has a vege garden, dog kennel and grass
• You and the cat fight over digging a hole in the garden!
• Your teenagers are only too happy to sleep in the same room as their parents
• You stop using the term “built like a brick shit house”
• Dressing up to “head into town” means putting on a hi-viz vest, hard hat and boots
• Discussing toilet habits with total strangers is an everyday norm
  Wee boys don’t get excited when they see (another) digger or a dozer – but all the adults in the street cheer wildly
• Voluntarily staying in Timaru for five days seems like a good idea
• You know what that extra gear lever on your 4X4 is for
• Metservice includes a graph for dust
• You have dust mask tan lines
• You can use the term “liquefaction” in everyday casual conversation, even your 3-year old can understand
• A massive group of students appears in your street, you feel overwhelmed with gratitude instead of calling the Police. What’s more, the students leave the street in better condition than when they arrived
• The answer to where anything is … it’s on the floor
• You smile at strangers and greet people like you’re one big family